Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
