my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Randomize
