We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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