As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
