dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
