Fine. I'll sleep in my office
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
