I'm pants shitting drunk right now
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
