He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
