you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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