Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
