look no pants
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Randomize
