There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
