The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
