I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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