A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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