Can i not drive my cunt home
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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