shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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