I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
