Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
