I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
