after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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