these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
