if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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