Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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