We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
