Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
