What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
