Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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