Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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