I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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