Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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