What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I FOUND THE LEGS
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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