Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
