So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize