Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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