1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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