So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
