am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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