i barfeds in our rink
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
