just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
