my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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