Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
