he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
