I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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