Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize