my mouth tastes like poor choices
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
you had me at cake vodka
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
