That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
