Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize