the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
