what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
