you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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