Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
