from now on my penis is your penis
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
