Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
