I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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