I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
