I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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