My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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