I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize