whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
