do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
